How Not To Kill Your Ex

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Whether you have suffered violent or mental or emotional abuse, or even just the normal hurt of breaking up with a partner you thought was ‘the one’, even thinking about beginning a new relationship with hope or even optimism can seem like a daunting task, and we all know that no one likes to date someone who has not yet cleared all of their past ‘baggage’.

And it can be hard. Really hard.

Have you ever refused to forgive someone from your past?

It may seem ironic that the best way to clear an Ex from your head who has behaved abominably is to forgive them. Especially after what they have done, which probably seems unforgiveable right now.

So what if there were a way to get rid of them out of your thoughts and feelings and energy fields without having to forgive what they did?

It certainly doesn’t do you any good to keep having their energy within you, and for their old memories to keep coming up again and again. All those little things that make you remember them.

Whether you still hate them with a burning passion and are full of bitterness, or merely disdain and despise them, the problem is that you are the one who is feeling the pain and suffering, whilst they may seem to have forgotten you even exist!

Alas, holding on to hate or upset or hurt is like holding on to a red hot coal and expecting it to burn them!! The bastard! How did it come to this, and what can you do about it?

It’s easy to talk about what you should do, even when you’ve already decided you want to let go and move on, but doing it is not so easy by yourself, and to be honest, most people do not even know how to do this.

Friends and family can be too close to help, not to mention the risk of gossip leaking out of your most private thoughts and feelings.

Once upon a time each village would have a healer or a wise man or woman, or both, who would help those with what nowadays we call our ‘issues’. Whilst soothing balms and lotions and potions can alleviate the symptoms, ultimately the most important step is that you have to sit down with yourself and commit to yourself that want to work through this until you reach the other side, no matter how painful dealing with the emotions may be and whatever resources that may take to get you there.

Sometimes this is the wake up call to a spiritual awakening, what some call ‘the shamanic wound’ that makes you sit up and take notice that you are a great deal more important to the world than you have been led to believe, and that there is far more going on in the world than school or the media ever taught you.

For others it is simply a case of ‘get me through this so I can get on with my life.’

So once you have committed to yourself that you will do this, the next step is to realise how to take power to yourself to make your transformation.

The most power you can have is for you to be responsible for everything that happens in your world!

That may be a lot to take in!

Not that you are to blame, merely that you were always there whenever things happened around you or to you. You made the choices in your life which led you to be there, for good or ill.

The really great thing about being responsible, is that YOU can change it, it is not down to anyone else, which is immensely empowering.

Having learned with Hawaiian elders on over a dozen visits there, I know that the Hawaiians are expert healers and especially forgivers, which they call Ho’oponopono, which means to put things right and in order.

Within the original family healing process is the method of ‘Kala’, to forgive, literally, to cut cords, or to disentangle the energy cords.

When we are involved with someone we create energy links heart to heart, but when we still have emotions, good or bad those links strengthen, so the more you hate them, the more entangled you become, not less, and the more of your energy you send to them, to energise them!

So do you want to send them your energy or keep it for yourself?

The Hawaiians have simplified their traditional methods for us modern people, so you now only need four statements to repeat to yourself, to begin the self-healing process.

Firstly, focus on the feeling within you that is the hurt or bad feeling, and ask yourself on a scale of 1-10 where 10 is very bad, what number is this?

Then repeat out loud this short healing prayer:

“Divine creator, father, mother child as one…

If I, my family, relatives, and ancestors have offended you, your family, relatives and ancestors in thoughts, words, deeds, and actions from the beginning of our creation to the present, we ask your forgiveness…

Let this cleanse purify, release, cut all the negative memories, blocks, energies and vibrations, and transmute these unwanted energies to pure light…and it is done.”

Then, continuing to focus on the bad feeling within you, repeat the following mantra

“I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you”.

Note that you are saying this to yourself, to the part of you that is hurt. You are not saying it to anyone else involved.

Keep repeating the mantra until the feeling reduces down to zero.

I appreciate that may seem very simple, and it is. Remember to keep going until you get to zero. That may take some time. Then again, creating your issues took some time too, so it’s not surprising it will take some time to clear.

Once you’re at zero you can repeat this for any issue you choose!

Good luck and mahalo nui loa, thank you for reading


There is far more to this method than a short article can share, so if you wish to find out more check out my blog or if you would like some more direct help, message me at gary AT garyplunkett DOT com, or connect with me on facebook to find out more.


© Gary Plunkett 2016

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